Desperate Measures
by stephfarrow94
Summary: Shunsui changed after the Winter War, and when Ukitake finds him cheating on him with Toshiro, Ukitake becomes overwhelmed with heartbreak, which leads to him wanting comfort wherever he can find it. Mayuri thinks a relationship will be an interesting thing to research, so he takes Ukitake in with only that intention. Yaoi, KuroUki KyoHitsu, dark themes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This fic takes place after the Winter War, so it's in the time-skip period where Ichigo has lost his powers but still has not entered the x-cution arc. You'll see why I'm doing this later on.**

If Jyuushiro had ever actually noticed the way Tōshirō's interactions with him had changed, he would never have put it down to Shunsui's influence. Tonight, however, everything was going to fall into place for him.

"Captain, you look very nice today."

Jyuushiro looked behind him, putting the hairbrush he had just been using down on the bedside table. He smiled at one of his two third-seats, wondering where the other one was.

"Thank you, Kiyone." Jyuushiro gestured the girl closer to him, holding out the hair tie he had grabbed. "Would you mind tying my hair back for me? I slept the wrong way and my arm is a bit stiff."

Kotetsu blushed as she took the hair tie like it was a fragile item worth thousands of dollars. She ever so gently parted the long white strands with shaking hands before she grabbed the abandoned brush and gave it a once over.

Jyuushiro sat patiently on the bed, humming softly as he enjoyed the feeling of hands playing with his hair. He thanked his seated officer and stood up once his request had been fulfilled, admiring himself in the mirror. His Captain's duties had been finished for the day, giving him time to celebrate one of their late-one-thousandth anniversaries. He wore a golden kimono with fish imprints on both sides and his hair was tied in a high ponytail with his usual fringe falling over one eye.

"Captain Kyōraku will think very highly of you tonight, Captain Ukitake," Kotetsu said, a small blush tinting her cheeks. "You have outdone yourself this year with your clothing of choice."

Jyuushiro smiled brightly. "I think so, too. Where is Sentaro?"

"I think he's talking to the other squad members and making sure you get your privacy."

"Very good. Kiyone, will you please tidy up my bedroom for me and make sure everything is spotless while I finish preparing our dinner?"

Kotetsu nodded. She knew that her Captain was immaculately clean in his habits and things were rarely out of place, but this was his most important night so it was only natural for him to want to make sure things were perfect.

The white-haired male made his way into the kitchen his small living quarters housed. He was still in the Thirteenth Division Barracks, so both the kitchen and the bedroom he rarely used here were tiny, designed only to be of use if the Captain could not return back to their own home for whatever reason.

Jyuushiro finished cooking his meal with the utmost care, doing his best to make sure that the teriyaki chicken was cooked to perfection. When he was satisfied with his efforts, he served the meal up on separate dishes and left them to cool, knowing that Shunsui should be here any minute.

With a large smile on his face, Jyuushiro moved back to his bedroom and dismissed Kotetsu, thanking her for all of her help with the occasion. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, seeing the bright letters flash two-to-nine; just two minutes away from the predetermined meeting time.

Two minutes soon turned to twenty and Shunsui still had not shown up. Jyuushiro was frowning, not knowing what to think; Shunsui had never been late for anything like this before in all of their many centuries together.

"I'll wait just a little bit longer..." Jyuushiro nodded to himself at this thought. "Lieutenant Ise may have asked him to wait until he finished a certain amount of paperwork before he left. Yes, that must be it."

The longer Jyuushiro waited, the more apparent it was that Shunsui was never going to show up. It must have been obvious even to the other members of his division as Kotetsu and Kotsubaki knocked politely before they poked their heads into the room, a look of sympathy on their faces as they took in the crestfallen expression presented on Ukitake's face.

"...Captain, Lieutenant Kuchiki has arrived back to the barracks but reports that Captain Kyōraku had already left Eighth Division before she arrived there for her duties. Lieutenant Ise told her that he had already left and was making his way here."

"..." Jyuushiro hung his head; if Shunsui had told his Lieutenant that he was coming here... he couldn't have forgotten and he should not have been distracted by any means... This was their special day together, and Shunsui always looked forward to it. There was no way he could have gotten injured coming here, either; there had been nothing to indicate danger and he had sensed nothing. ...So what had happened...? "...He's not coming, is he...?"

Kotsubaki and Kotetsu frowned, neither one of them starting an argument; they could see just how upset this had made their beloved Captain, and neither of them could bear hurting him more. They instead stepped closer and knelt on the ground before Ukitake, hoping that their presence would be enough to give the pale Shinigami the strength needed to get through this.

"No, sir..." Kotsubaki said softly.

Jyuushiro closed his green eyes and nodded. "...Alright. Thank you for letting me know. Please dispose of the dinner I had prepared in any way you see fit but please don't tell any other members of our Division..."

The two third-seats nodded as they stood back up. "Yes, sir. Will you be okay?"

Jyuushiro sighed and got off the bed he had been waiting foolishly on. He made his way over to the closet and shrugged his kimono off before he placed it carefully back on its hanger and stored it. He redressed in his Captain's uniform and turned to smile at the younger Reapers. "I will. Thank you for your concern. Please, feel free to eat what I had prepared. I am going for a walk."

Both Kotetsu and Kotsubaki could see just how much this was affecting their Captain, but they knew there wasn't much they could do other than what had been asked of them. They bowed respectfully before they left to give their Captain privacy.

Jyuushiro left his barracks slowly and walked through the near-empty streets by his lonesome. He wasn't used to not having Shunsui by his side, especially on their anniversary, but that couldn't be helped. He was hoping that he could find someone who would be able to tell him where his partner had disappeared to.

The frail Captain's wish was granted not long later as a rather tipsy Matsumoto staggered out of one of the bars with two other intoxicated Lieutenants behind her. She and the two males waved cheerfully when they saw the white-haired man make his way towards them.

"Captain Ukitake." Matsumoto and her two companions, Kira and Hisagi, smiled brightly at the revered Captain.

"Good evening, Lieutenants." Jyuushiro smiled softly at the three, seeing the way they staggered and swayed whilst standing still. "May I help you all to your Divisions? I don't like the idea of leaving you three out here by yourselves."

"Nonsense." Matsumoto waved a dismissive hand. "W-we're fine. We're taking K-kira back to the Third and then going back to our own Divisions. He's a little drunk."

Jyuushiro couldn't help but chuckle at the pathetic whine Kira made in protest. He nodded. "Alright, then. Have any of you seen Shunsui around tonight?"

While Kira and Hisagi shook their heads, Matsumoto's hand shot up into the air as if she were eagerly answering a question a teacher had asked the class. "I have! H-he was with my Captain when I left!"

Jyuushiro raised an eyebrow. "When did you leave Tenth Division, Lieutenant?"

"About an hour or two ago."

Jyuushiro didn't want to think too much on what this meant; he knew deep down that Shunsui didn't care today; he seemed to have left his office after telling Ise that he was going to see Ukitake, but had instead gone to Tōshirō's Division...

"May I escort you back to your Division?" Jyuushiro offered, wanting a good excuse to show up at the Tenth Division just in case Shunsui had already left ages ago.

"Why not?" Matsumoto shrugged before she turned to face Kira and Hisagi. "Hisagi, look after Kira and m-make sure he gets sleep tonight."

The raven-haired male nodded before he pulled his blond friend along in the direction of the Third Division. Matsumoto followed the Captain back to her own Division, talking happily to the older male. Ukitake was always pleasant company, his gentle nature making it easy to talk to him about anything.

The two spoke softly about what had happened just a few months ago during the Winter War, Matsumoto confiding in Jyuushiro her heartbreak about her childhood friend having died, receiving comfort and soothing words in return until they arrived at the woman's barracks.

"Allow me to escort you to Captain Hitsugaya," Jyuushiro said softly. "I have business with him."

Matsumoto nodded, leaning heavily against the thin Captain in her drunken state as they walked. When they arrived at the smaller Captain's office, Jyuushiro's worry peaked at discovering that Toshiro wasn't around.

"He must be in the living quarters," Matsumoto slurred as she lead Jyuushiro to the sliding doors that lead to the back of the office. "Let's see."

Jyuushiro didn't feel right about intruding upon someone else's personal property like this, but what choice did he have? Matsumoto wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Captain?" Matsumoto called as she staggered towards another door off to the side. She knocked on it once before she pushed it open, pulling Ukitake in behind her. Just one look around the room told Jyuushiro that this was the sleeping quarters. "Captain, you have a... oh..."

Jyuushiro couldn't believe what he was seeing. There was his partner, in bed with another Captain, clearly not finished with their act of... _intimacy... _Tears welled up in his eyes and he struggled to contain them.

Shunsui looked up from where his back had rested against the headboard of the bed, the tiny Captain sitting in his lap – his very _naked _lap. He looked at Jyuushiro, and the white-haired man knew him well enough to know that the look in the brunet's eyes weren't one of shame, guilt or even _fear; _they were the look of amusement Shunsui only got when he had been caught doing something he knew was wrong but found it too fun to _not _do.

"Hello, Jyuu-chan." Shunsui pulled the now-struggling Tenth Captain against his chest, holding the boy tightly. He kissed the younger's forehead before he smiled innocently up at his partner. "It seems I missed our date."

Jyuushiro ignored the look of concern Matsumoto was directing at him and instead turned around, leaving the room as fast as he could as tears welled up in his eyes. Shunsui... How could Shunsui... Shunsui had _never _acted like this to him _ever. _He was always so concerned when he thought he had upset Jyuushiro and even though he was the flirt of the two, he was always careful to never go _too _far lest he hurt his lover.

But this... Shunsui had seemed _happy _that he had been caught. This... This wasn't the Shunsui that Jyuushiro loved.

**The reason I have these pairings is that we had our Year Twelve school photos the other day, and my good friend called me Tōshirō seeing as I was the second smallest female in my year level, which lead to her calling me the love child of Tōshirō and Shunsui because I'm lazy, love to drink and a pervert as well as tiny, while she was Ukitake and Kurotsuchi's love child as she is small but taller than I am and is studying Sciences. This eventually led to me saying I had to use those pairings for a fic, so this is it. **


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Jyuushiro dragged himself to the Captain's meeting. When he walked in, ten minutes late and interrupting Yamamoto's speech, all eyes turned to him; never before had Jyuushiro walked into a Captain's meeting _late, _norwithout _Shunsui _by his side. The two Captains were near-inseparable and, unless Jyuushiro was sick, you would _never _see one without the other.

However, what gave away the fact that something was seriously wrong were the tears that stained the usually pale face. Shunsui looked away as he saw this, a small smirk on his face. He didn't know why he was doing this, but he couldn't help but be amused by the younger Shinigami's pain.

Everyone looked away from Ukitake, either not caring enough to ask what was wrong or not wanting to disrupt Yamamoto's speech. Jyuushiro took his spot amongst the Captains, keeping his head down and remaining quiet throughout the entire meeting.

When the Captains were all dismissed an hour later, Jyuushiro was the first to leave. He pushed past the others and quickened his pace, just wanting to get away from everyone.

"Ukitake!"

Jyuushiro tensed as someone called out his name. He stopped and turned around, finding Tōshirō standing behind him, an emotionless expression on his face.

"Are you really so upset over losing him?" Tōshirō asked, adding to the pain he had already caused Jyuushiro. "He's happy with me. We've been seeing each other for three months now. You had your time with him."

Jyuushiro didn't know what to say. Here was the Captain he saw as a _son, _telling him that _he _was going to be with his lover from now on. Fresh tears welled up in Jyuushiro's eyes as he spun back around and continued on to his Division, tears leaking down his cheeks.

By the time Jyuushiro returned back to his office, he slammed the door closed and locked it, letting no one in to see him. He didn't want them to see the way he curled up in a corner of the office, his knees against his chest as he cried into them. He didn't want to be seen as weak – though he knew that was what he was right now.

Ukitake's heart ached, such pain foreign to him. He had never thought he would be without Shunsui; suffer such agony because of him. He felt like he was choking on his emotions, drowning in this pain. He couldn't feel angry because the overwhelming sense of betrayal only made room for tears. He wanted to rip his hair out, to tear his skin off, not wanting the memories of Shunsui's touch that was attached to them. He wanted to curl up in his bed forever, see no one else for the remainder of his life. He wanted to be _alone._

As members of the Thirteenth Division pounded on the office door in great concern, Jyuushiro wouldn't let them in. He eventually cried himself to sleep, still in that same corner with his knees pulled up to his chest, his face red and stained with tears. His dreams consisted of Toshiro and Shunsui, and they weren't pleasant – not in the least.

**-XX-**

It had been nearly a month since Jyuushiro's heart had been broken, and he had been searching everywhere for the solace he _knew _he needed. He didn't care who gave it to him, but the only thing he seemed to be getting was pity. No one even bothered to talk to him about, leaving him to wallow in the pain no one guessed he was truly suffering.

The only person who even bothered to talk about it was Jyuushiro's fellow Captain, Mayuri Kurotsuchi – and even then, it was only for research purposes.

The two were standing out the front of the First Division hall where their meetings always took place, the Thirteenth Captain crying as he tried to explain everything to Mayuri.

"I-I just..." Jyuushiro choked on a sob as he pulled at his hair in distress. "I feel... so betrayed... I..."

Mayuri nodded as he processed all of this information. It gave him an idea for an experiment, one he could run on both Jyuushiro and himself – but in order for that to happen, he'd need to make Jyuushiro think that he cared about the other's problems.

"Why not be_ my _partner instead?" Mayuri suggested nonchalantly. "Who cares about _him?"_

Jyuushiro wiped at his eyes as he nodded, so desperate for the pain in his heart to stop. He knew that Shunsui was done with him; the brunet had avoided him ever since their anniversary. "O-okay... T-thank you..."

Mayuri just shrugged. "Come along, then. I need to prepare some stuff back at Twelve Division. Come with me."

Jyuushiro smiled as he nodded, hoping that Mayuri would make things better. The thought that the scientist may just have been using him for another research subject never crossed his mind – maybe he was just so scared of being hurt again that he _couldn't _think about such possibilities.

However, after spending several hours with Mayuri at the Twelve Division, Jyuushiro was just glad to know that the scientist seemed to have more than just experiments and research on his mind – why else would the unstable man allow him to stay for so long otherwise?

Mayuri, however, truly didn't see his fellow Captain as anything other than research material, and if he had to give Jyuushiro the wrong impression in order to get the best results possible without extraneous or confounding variables, he would do so.

The two were sitting by the computer where Mayuri stored all his data, the long nailed fingers tapping away at the keys while Jyuushiro sat by his side, his mind thinking back to Shunsui. He remembered all of the times they had shared together, and he was so lost in memories he didn't even realise he was crying again.

The white-haired male was startled back to reality when a fingernail scraped against his cheek, brushing tears away.

Kurotsuchi scoffed as he looked at the tears he had gathered on his finger. "Emotions. Such a useless thing to have."

Ukitake shook his head and spoke in a soft voice. "I don't think they're useless."

"Oh?" Mayuri grinned in interest. It was true he had never researched extensively on emotions before and, being the kind of person he was, he didn't have much personal experience to go on. It would be intriguing to get another person's view of the things he had deemed petty lifetimes ago. "Do explain."

"...Emotions make us human..." Jyuushiro started to explain, taking his time as he gathered his own thoughts about the topic. "...They let us know when we're truly enjoying something, or when we really love someone... They help us determine whether or not we truly live our lives. If you love someone, you'll be happy knowing that _they're _happy. If you're upset or hurting, someone will stop and help you, because they care. If we try and go through a life without emotions, how will we really know what makes us happy and sad? Who we truly love and care for? Emotions... make us different from everyone else in what they make us feel at any given time. Don't you think...?"

Mayuri tapped his nails against his keyboard, processing the words Ukitake had spoken. It was true that he himself had never regarded emotions in such a way, but Jyuushiro was a kind, passionate person who loved life. It was a given he would see the world in such a way that related to his optimistic demeanour.

"Is that what you think?" Mayuri finally asked after a minute of thinking. "That emotions are worth the pettiness?"

Jyuushiro nodded. "Truly."

The Twelfth Captain hummed, thinking to himself._ What an interesting test subject he'll turn out to be._


	3. Chapter 3

If there was one thing Shunsui had never seen himself doing before, it was mistreating Jyuushiro. Jyuushiro was everything to him but, after the Winter War had ended, he had found himself changing. He hadn't been as kind or caring as he once had been, instead becoming bitter and angry, and the only person who seemed to have noticed was Tōshirō, which had led to the two starting a relationship behind Ukitake's back.

Currently, they were sitting on the futon in Shunsui's home, talking about the frail Captain.

"Ukitake has changed," Tōshirō said in an off-hand manner as he leant back against the warm chest behind him, feeling strong arms encase him. "He doesn't talk to anyone and he's always crying."

"I heard rumours that he went back to Captain Kurotsuchi's Division." Shunsui shrugged. "Probably looking for a way to kill himself."

Tōshirō frowned at these words for two reasons; one; that was something the old Shunsui would _never _say, let alone _think about_, and two; despite how much Ukitake annoyed him with always dropping candy on him and treating him like a child, Hitsugaya _did _care about him _somewhat. _He would honestly be upset if someone were to happen to his senior.

"...You should talk to him," Tōshirō stated, leaning into the touch that was running down his tiny body.

Shunsui nipped at the small earlobe, shaking his head. "Nope~ I'm much happier sitting here. I like you better than him."

Tōshirō shrugged. He knew he wasn't in the position to force Shunsui to do anything. "Okay. Kyōraku, what made you start to resent Ukitake?"

Shunsui shrugged. "I don't know. I started feeling that way after the Winter War. He just started to annoy me with everyone he did and said. I couldn't stand the way he wanted _everything _be to gentle. He wanted sex to be gentle, our physical interactions to be gentle, my words to be gentle... And he wouldn't even consider just letting go and having a bit of rough sex with me."

Tōshirō was young and new to relationships, so he couldn't quite understand what either Shunsui or Jyuushiro were going through. He did, however, understand that Kyōraku was being selfish, but who was he to preach?

"So I'm better because I let you be rough?" Tōshirō asked. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel when Shunsui nodded. He instead shrugged and allowed the older male to manhandle him, knowing that whatever had happened to change Shunsui wasn't really his business.

Instead, Hitsugaya lifted his hips, allowing his lover to pull his hakama down. He moaned quietly when a sword-calloused hand grabbed his limp member and pumped it to life, knowing what to expect.

Shunsui played with the boy for a few minutes before he decided his own hakama was far too restraining and he needed to be rid of it. He ripped it from his body, reaching down with his spare hand in order to stroke himself in time with Tōshirō.

Kyōraku soon proceeded to suck on his fingers with in the intent of preparing his much smaller partner for what they were about to do. He slipped the first one in roughly, stroking the hot walls for a few seconds before he added the second finger and almost immediately shoved the third one in next. He grinned, listening to Tōshirō's whimpers and gasps of pain, finding it to be a huge turn-on. It was rather ironic, he found; before the Winter War, he would have been turned off and reluctant to continue after hearing pained noises coming from his partner, but now it made him just want to shove in without a care for his lover.

"Are you ready for me?" Shunsui whispered huskily into the Tenth Captain's ear, rubbing himself against the boy's entrance.

"Y-yes..." Tōshirō moaned, not minding a bit of pain at all.

Shunsui grasped his hard self, lining up at the entrance, before he pushed in, slowly at first until the head had disappeared, and then pushed in roughly the rest of the way, feeling himself become impossibly hard at Tōshirō's pained cry.

Shunsui didn't wait for the boy to adjust and instead started slamming against what he knew was Hitsugaya's pleasure spot, holding the white-haired child on his lap, thrusting upwards into him.

"F-fuck..." Shunsui grunted, feeling his body become sweaty. "You're so good..."

Tōshirō moaned in pleasure-filled pain. He twisted and squirmed, the pleasure always overwhelming for his small body. He choked on a cry as Shunsui's large hand wrapped around him once again, pumping him to the rhythm of his thrusts.

As always, Tōshirō was the first to come, his inexperience making him look like a virgin every time compared to Shunsui's two-thousand years' worth of experience.

Shunsui continued thrusting, arousing his lover once again. He growled in an animalistic way, his thrusts becoming erratic and unpredictable the longer he performed. He had made Tōshirō come at least five times before he himself climaxed inside the boy for the first time that day almost half an hour later.

Tōshirō was exhausted and sweaty, curled up next to Shunsui as he panted harshly, his eyelids too heavy to keep open any longer. He pushed against the hand that was stroking his stomach, mumbling something incomprehensible to Shunsui's ears, before he fell fast asleep.

Shunsui just smiled and leant down, kissing Tōshirō's temple in a loving manner. He knew, in the back of his mind, that he had not kissed Jyuushiro in such a gentle manner ever since the Winter War. He couldn't help but scoff; he didn't care about Ukitake any longer, not now that he had Tōshirō who was willing to comply with what he wanted.

Closing his eyes, Kyōraku drifted off into sleep as well, exhaustion overtaking him.

_**~~Two days later~~**_

Though Mayuri and Jyuushiro hadn't told anyone about their new relationship, the Seireitei was a breeding ground for rumours. People were talking about the strange friendship the two had started, and people were even saying that Mayuri was taking advantage of the frail Shinigami's broken heart with sexual favours.

Jyuushiro hadn't liked to hear this, knowing that he and Mayuri _were _in a relationship but they hadn't taken it much further than a few touches here and there. Mayuri didn't seem at all phased by the rumours and treated them as research material; if people said that this was what they did together, it must have been what two people in a relationship did together.

Currently, it was night and the two Captains were seated comfortably together at Ugendo, Jyuushiro's health having taken a turn for the worse earlier that day. Mayuri couldn't deny the fact that he had no pure intentions of sitting by his 'partner's side as Ukitake battled out a rather harsh coughing fit.

"Thank you for staying..." Jyuushiro smiled up at Mayuri as he wiped a trail of blood from his chin. "It was something... Shunsui always did..."

Mayuri didn't miss the heartbreak that crossed Jyuushiro's face for a brief second. He shrugged. "I'd rather not waste my time here when there are valuable research methods for me to go over."

Jyuushiro's happy expression faltered, a large frown crossing his face. "...Oh..."

Ukitake knew he should have expected an unsympathetic response. Kurotsuchi really didn't have emotions – or if he still did, they were locked away deep inside of him.

Mayuri just tapped his long fingernail against the floorboard of Jyuushiro's home. He was bored – truly bored – but if his experiment was to be a success, he _needed _Jyuushiro to trust him the same way he had trusted Kyōraku.

"...But you're here, anyway..." Jyuushiro mumbled, more to himself than to the other male. "...That means something..."

"Yes, yes, if you say so." The scientist really wasn't in the mood to put up with optimism; he had much more interesting things he could be doing right now instead of sitting with a male who was half asleep.

Jyuushiro yawned as his eyes slipped closed and fell into a light sleep, just barely aware of his surroundings.

Mayuri took this time to leave Ugendo, unable to bear even the _thought _of staying with a sleeping Captain. However, as soon as he stepped out of the room, a small murmur of 'Shunsui...!' had him stopping in his tracks. He turned back around, seeing the way tears flowed freely down pale cheeks, the way Jyuushiro's face was twisted in pain.

With a sigh, Mayuri turned back around and returned to Jyuushiro's side. He didn't touch the distressed male, but he did speak to him.

"Don't cry," Mayuri said, his voice cold. He wasn't oblivious to the way Jyuushiro's eyelids cracked, green orbs peering out at him. "He's not even worth being a test subject."

With that said, Mayuri left for good, not sure why but feeling... _angry _to know that Kyōraku had so much control over the frail Captain.

Jyuushiro, however, was aware that he was, once again, alone. He closed his eyes for the second time, a small smile appearing on his face. For the first time in a long time, he found himself dreaming not of Shunsui and Tōshirō, but of Mayuri.

Perhaps one day soon Jyuushiro would be able to reach out to the Twelfth Captain with the same love and trust he once had in Shunsui.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn't take long at all before the other Captains and Lieutenants of the Gotei Thirteen noticed what was happening between the Eighth, Tenth, Twelfth and Thirteenth Captains. While Captain Ukitake was the one to keep his head down and his mouth shut during confrontations, Captain Kyōraku and Captain Kurotsuchi were always at each other's throats, fighting over the delicate white-haired man. Captain Hitsugaya didn't seem to have as much of a problem as his elders did, but he had been seen glaring at the Thirteenth Captain during meetings.

There were rumours about what had happened, but no one was entirely certain of the truth. All they knew was that Kyōraku and Ukitake had had a fight which the brunet seemed to spark up again every time they came into contact with each other and Hitsugaya and Kurotsuchi had somehow gotten mixed up in it. This had been going on for almost a year now, and it only seemed to be getting worse.

Currently, Toshiro was sitting in his office, doing paperwork while his Lieutenant dozed on the couch. He was annoyed, having been interrogated by the Captain-Commander earlier that day over his unusual treatment of Ukitake.

"Stupid Ukitake always causing trouble..." Toshiro mumbled to himself as he hastily scribbled his signature down on the sheet before him, just wanting to finish up and go home.

Rangiku awoke with a start at her Captain's voice. "C-captain! I'm awake! I'm awake!"

"I can see that..." Toshiro didn't hide the icy tone from his voice.

Rangiku frowned, knowing that something was bothering her superior. "Is something wrong, Captain?"

"It's just..." Toshiro sighed and leant on the desk, gathering his thoughts. "...All of this stupid stuff with Ukitake and all..."

"Captain, if I may ask..." Rangiku wasn't sure if she should voice her question or not; what if Toshiro wasn't happy with her asking? "...What exactly _is _going on...?"

Hitsugaya shrugged. "Long story, Matsumoto. Mind your own business in future."

Rangiku's eyes widened in surprise; she knew the young Captain well enough to know that he only ever spoke like that when he was stressed. Shaking her head, she bowed in apology.

"Forgive me, Captain. I won't ask again."

Toshiro ignored his Lieutenant and instead focused on his work. There was silence between them for a while, the only noise the scratching of Hitsugaya's pen. They didn't interact until Rangiku got off the couch, saying she was leaving to meet two of the other Lieutenants for drinks.

When the Tenth Captain was alone in his office, he couldn't help but let his mind wander. It had been so long since Ukitake had found him together with Kyōraku. It was true that Ukitake had Kurotsuchi now, but... despite all that, it was obvious to everyone around them that the scientist was merely using him for an experiment. Hitsugaya didn't know why Ukitake couldn't see it, but then again, maybe he didn't_ want _to know why.

Finishing up the last of his paperwork, Toshiro soon made his way over to the Eighth Division barracks, knowing that his lover would still be holed up in his office with an angry Lieutenant on his back about working. The least he could do was help the brunet out after everything Kyōraku had done for him.

It didn't take long for Toshiro to arrive at Shunsui's office, and he wasn't surprised to find him arguing with Nanao. It was weird for the younger Captain to see the once-kind man raising his voice at a woman – much less Nanao; he had been so infatuated with the woman, he had been putty in her hands.

"Kyōraku, calm down," Toshiro said as he assessed the situation; Shunsui was refusing to do his work again, but he no longer just whined about it; he kicked up a storm. "Lieutenant Ise, please return to your desk and do your own work."

Nanao was reluctant, unable to understand what had happened to her Captain; ever since the Winter War had ended, Shunsui had been so bitter and angry, and that spark of enjoyment he once had for life was gone, replaced by one of hatred.

The raven-haired woman bowed her head, not wanting to show just how badly she was affected by her adored Captain's change in personality. She sat at her desk quietly, trying not to draw attention to herself; she had seen the way Hitsugaya handled the moods easily, so hopefully the young Captain could help.

"What is the problem with you tonight, Kyōraku?" Toshiro asked as he stood by the taller man's side.

Shunsui mumbled to himself in annoyance before he spoke, a deep resentment in his voice that made Nanao's heart break upon hearing it. "Nanao tried to make me do my work... She has _no idea..._"

"It's her duty to make you work," Toshiro said, trying to diffuse the situation. "Don't be so hard on her. I'll help you with it."

Shunsui nodded silently. He grabbed a pen from the drawer and handed it to his lover before he slid paperwork to him as well. They talked quietly amongst themselves, forgetting that Nanao was in the room with them, hearing every word they said.

"Ukitake has been sleeping with Kurotsuchi," Toshiro said. He was not prepared for the loud shout Shunsui gave, nor the way the brunet threw the bottle of sake at the wall, shattering it.

"He fucking _what?" _Shunsui snarled. His dark eyes fixed on Toshiro's a deep bitterness no one had ever seen in them before.

"I said he has been sleeping with Kurotsuchi." Toshiro knew Shunsui still had issues revolving around Ukitake, and he couldn't say it didn't frustrate him. He knew that the problems only existed because the brunet was being a dickhead to the white-haired Shinigami, so it was all entirely Kyōraku's fault.

"Where did you hear this?" Shunsui clenched his fists angrily, his teeth grinding against one another. It was as if he was trying his hardest to hold back from hitting Toshiro.

"Matsumoto told me the other day. She said she heard it from Kira and Hisagi."

"And how'd _they _find out?!" Shunsui roared.

"I don't know, but do not raise your voice at me or I will _leave, _Kyōraku." Toshiro stood up, intent on carrying through with his threat if he needed to; he wasn't the type of person to put up with abusive partners.

Shunsui's eyes softened at these words; the last thing he wanted to be was alone. He didn't want Toshiro to leave him; the thought of not having anyone with him _scared _him. Part of that fear was what had lead him to pushing Jyuushiro away, but even _he _couldn't understand why he had started hating his lover; it had happened during the Winter War, when he thought Jyuushiro had been killed by that child Arrancar. He had felt so scared and angry – so _useless! _

"I'm sorry..." Shunsui mumbled, sincerity in his voice. He fidgeted uncomfortably before he spoke again. "Please, don't leave me..."

Toshiro shook his head and sat back down at the desk. Sometimes he really couldn't understand why he stayed with Shunsui. "I won't _now, _but I_ will _if you continue treating me like crap."

Shunsui nodded, scooting closer so that he could pull the small Captain onto his lap. He sighed and buried his face into the younger's hair, holding him close. "...I'm sorry..."

"It's fine." Toshiro reached out and put his tiny hand on Shunsui's shoulder, subtly pushing him away. "Just do your work."

Shunsui nodded. His grey eyes scanned the paper in front of him, burning anger and hatred displayed in them once again. Toshiro was sure that the emotion was directed towards his duties as a Captain right now.

Picking up the pen that had been given to him, Toshiro began working on the stack given to him. He briefly thought about Ukitake and why he had been abandoned if Shunsui was so desperate to not be alone. Shaking his head, he cleared his mind and focused on the paperwork. After all, there was no point wondering too much about something he would never find out about.

_**~~Ugendo~~**_

Jyuushiro sat on his futon, a cup of tea in his hands. He sipped at it slowly, listening intently as Mayuri told him all about his newest invention. He was sore, having finished a round of love-making with Mayuri earlier.

"Mayuri-kun, may I have some more tea, please?" Jyuushiro asked, a bright smile on his face.

Mayuri nodded, taking the cup. He left the room, trying to work out when his feelings for Jyuushiro had changed. At first, he had purely used the older man for research purposes, but he now found himself caring about Ukitake's health and wellbeing.

Jyuushiro laid back on the futon, smiling to himself as he waited for Mayuri to return. The sounds of a kettle boiling and small clangs of spoons in cups filled the air around them. It was peaceful to the say the least. He no longer associated those sounds with Shunsui, having decided that things would never be the same between them again because the brunet just didn't care.

When Mayuri returned a few minutes later with a fresh cup of tea in his hands, there was a comfortable silence between the two of them for a while. Jyuushiro had lain back down, his head resting in his lover's lap. The white-haired Captain was almost asleep when a Hell Butterfly flew in through the open door, landing on Mayuri's finger.

"What is it?" Jyuushiro asked, his voice weary.

Mayuri was silent for a few seconds before he laughed. "It seems war has been declared on Soul Society once again by Ryoka. Lieutenant Sasakibe was killed by them. There is a Captains meeting to discuss it that will begin shortly. Captain Kurotsuchi, Akon has requested for your presence at Twelfth Division barracks."

Jyuushiro raised an eyebrow before he nodded. He stood up and changed out of the blue sleeping yukata he had been wearing and back into his shihakusho. Mayuri left without a word to go back to his own Division, leaving his lover to make his way over to the First Division Barracks.

_**~~ Captain's meeting~~**_

When Kurotsuchi had said that the Ryoka that had declared war on them were in fact Quincies, everyone was taken by surprise. Shunsui's sharp eyes glanced over at Ukitake, a burning hatred prominent in the grey orbs. Jyuushiro frowned and looked down at his feet, feeling uncomfortable with his ex-boyfriend's glare.

After the meeting had been concluded with orders for immediate preparation for battle, the Captains left the meeting hall. Jyuushiro had left without Mayuri, just wanting to get away from the hatred he didn't understand why he deserved. Kurotsuchi had stayed behind, talking to Yamamoto about what he and his Division had worked out.

The white-haired Shinigami was silent, his mind working on overdrive. He was scared. If war was coming once again... Shunsui... Would Shunsui be okay? Would he be hurt? Killed? Or would he survive but change once again? What if he got even worse? What if... the Shunsui he once knew and loved was never to return...? If that was the case, did that mean Kyōraku had already died? Not in a literal sense, but in one of change? What if...?

"Ukitake!"

Jyuushiro stopped walking as his name was shouted. He turned, finding Toshiro and Shunsui behind them. This was nothing new; Shunsui found enjoyment out of cornering the younger male and tormenting him.

"Ukitake, about the war..." Toshiro begun, but Shunsui continued speaking.

"I hope you fucking _die _in it, Jyuushiro," the brunet snarled. His voice was thick with anger. "Die _slowly _and _painfully."_

Jyuushiro didn't want to show how badly these words affected him. Instead, he kept his head held up, nodding. "Okay, Shunsui... I understand how it is... You may wish that on me, but I sincerely hope nothing happens to you or... or Captain Hitsugaya... Nothing you do will change that..."

The frail Captain was unprepared for the first that came flying at his face. He cried out as he was knocked to the ground, reaching up to try and stop the blood that was streaming down his face from the hit. He looked up, finding Toshiro pulling Shunsui along, away from him.

"..." Wiping at his wet eyes, Jyuushiro slowly got back to his feet and made his way to his Division, ignoring the looks the other Captains who had witnessed the scene gave him.

Ukitake hadn't been lying when he said nothing would change the fact that he wanted Shunsui and Toshiro to be safe. No matter what the brunet did to him, his heart would always long for his best friend back.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time the Quincy arrived in the Soul Society for the war, Jyuushiro, Mayuri, Shunsui and Toshiro had already split up and were dealing with the intruders in their own areas. The Quincy had stolen Hitsugaya's Bankai and the four had received many injuries. The invaders had retreated for the time being, leaving several of the Captains to gather together, mourning the loss of the Captain-Commander.

Jyuushiro was standing quietly behind his fellow Shinigami while Rose, Soi-Fon, Komamura, Shinji, Toshiro and Kensei were a bit further ahead. Hitsugaya was silent while the others argued amongst themselves.

Jyuushiro struggled to hold back tears. Things were just too hard for him. He had lost his best friend, hated by the one person he thought would love him forever, then he lost the person he saw as his own son, and now the man he thought of as his father was dead. He didn't know how he could get past this; it was too much for one person.

However, when Shunsui walked into the room, trying to diffuse the situation, the frail Captain tensed; what if the brunet took everything out of him? They had both been Yamamoto's pupils, both had been sons to the man who had never had any, and both shared the fatherly love towards the one who had taught them what they knew today.

Ukitake's fears were not in vain.

"Why the fuck are you almost in tears?"

Jyuushiro turned away from Shunsui's voice, his back towards the older male. He shook his head, his voice coming out in a weak mumble. "I-I'm not, Shun... I... have something in my eye..."

"You're so weak and pathetic," Shunsui hissed, malice in his voice. "I can't believe Yama-jii even wanted you in the first place."

Those words hurt Jyuushiro, but he didn't want to let it show – not in front of his fellow Captains. However, what Shunsui was about to say next would knock Ukitake's self-esteem lower than it had ever been.

"You are the most disgusting _thing _on the face of this earth and I can't _believe _I could have _ever _loved you, let alone touch you."

There was silence in the room. The other Captains knew that Shunsui was hurting over his loss, but weren't they all? What had Jyuushiro done to deserve this kind of treatment? Why couldn't the brunet understand what he was doing – or more importantly, _care _about how he was hurting the younger.

"...Okay, Kyōraku..." Jyuushiro whispered, the use of the older male's last name surprising everyone; the frail man had never been so formal with Shunsui. They were even more surprised when the white-haired Captain turned to leave. "...I understand... I only want your happiness, and it's clear I can't give that to you anymore... I won't bother you any longer..."

Shunsui just glared at the insignia on the back of Ukitake's haori as said male walked out of the room. He turned to find the other captains staring at him, looks of pity, disbelief and even _hatred _on their faces.

"Why are you acting like this towards him?" Komamura barked, a glint of anger in his eyes. "Can't you see you're not the only one in pain?!"

"Shut up..." Shunsui mumbled.

"Ya know, he really loves you, Captain Kyōraku..." Shinji muttered. "He _couldn't _have done anything to make you hate him so much."

"I don't give a shit!" Shunsui shouted at them. He wanted so much to let go of his emotions and just _cry, _but he couldn't do that – not in front of others. He had to keep his emotions to himself. He couldn't let anyone see just how much he was truly suffering.

"Can't you just apologise and then leave things be?" Toshiro growled. "I'm really sick of this. He's a good person, Shunsui."

Shunsui shot his lover a filthy glare before he stalked off to the corner of the room. Toshiro shrugged and left, intending on finding Jyuushiro and apologising on the brunet's behalf.

It wasn't surprising to find Ukitake nowhere in sight, and Hitsugaya knew his senior would have retired back to Ugendo. Walking down the path he knew would eventually get him to the tiny room built on the lake, Toshiro tried to go over what he would say in his mind, but no apology felt as if it would be enough to right all the wrongs Shunsui had done.

By the time the young Captain arrived at Ugendo, he wondered if he should just walk in or call out politely. He nodded, deciding politeness would be the way to go after everything that had happened.

"Ukitake?" Toshiro called, expecting an answer. There was a small cough from inside, letting him know that Jyuushiro was there, but there was no other reply. The shaggy-haired boy sighed in frustration, calling out again. However, once again, there was only silence. "Ukitake, I'm coming in."

Toshiro walked into the room, and he was unprepared for what he found; Ukitake was on his bed, his Zanpakutō by his side, covered in blood. Jyuushiro was enclosed in sweat as blood pooled on the mattress beneath him.

Without conscious thought, Toshiro run forwards, grabbing the pillow that was propping the Thirteenth Captain upright. He laid the material over the wound, wincing as it became saturated with blood in seconds.

"Why would you do this?" Toshiro hissed, staring into green orbs with his own angry ones.

Jyuushiro flinched from pain before he spoke, his voice weak. "...Because... I don't want to live without Shunsui... It was... our first promise... To always be with each other... I honestly doubt he even remembers it..."

Toshiro shook his head, his shout surprising even him. "You're wrong! Look, I... I don't know what happened to Kyōraku. I really don't. But... I know that something happened enough to _scare _him during the Winter War! He thought he had _lost _you when that Arrancar had impaled you. He told me he was considering letting his opponent kill him after that. I'll... I'll talk to him. Let me take you to Fourth, Ukitake."

Ukitake couldn't resist as Toshiro moved him out of the bed, supporting him and getting him to the Fourth Division.

Toshiro was just glad that Ukitake, naturally, was strong enough to survive even a self-inflicted wound such as this; as long as they made haste, Jyuushiro wouldn't bleed out.

_**~~Hours later~~**_

Shunsui had cleaned himself up, wiping away all traces of tears, before Toshiro was due to arrive. The younger boy had sent a butterfly, explaining that they needed to talk.

When Toshiro walked into Kyōraku's home not long later, the Tenth Captain wore a very stern expression. Shunsui sighed, wondering what he was going to be lectured on this time.

"Are you aware that Ukitake is suicidal?" Toshiro's voice was cold, much colder than it had been in a long time.

Shunsui frowned, confused by these words. What? Jyuushiro and suicidal didn't belong in the same _sentence! _ "What are you talking about? He'd never do something like _that."_

"Then explain to me why I walked in on him attempting to end his own life." Toshiro glared. "I don't know about you, but I've really had enough of all this shit. I want _out _of it, Kyōraku, and if I have to leave you to get that, than I _will."_

Shunsui had stopped listening to what Toshiro was saying after hearing that the frail Captain tried to kill himself. He bit his lip and stood up. "Is he at the Fourth?"

"Yes. I took him there. Sort things out between you two because I can't _stand _this, Kyōraku. _Stop it."_

Shunsui didn't reply; he instead took off running to the Fourth Division, thoughts running through his mind; what if he _did _lose Jyuushiro? Was this what he had wanted? _Of course not! _Jyuushiro was his _best friend, _his _lover, _his _everything! _They had promised to _always _be together, for one to never die without the other.

Did Jyuushiro not remember that promise they had made back in the Academy? That was their very first promise; to love each other until the end.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry I've taken a while to update **_**anything**_**, but in between school and work and my Depression worsening again, I've really had no time nor motivation to do much writing. I need to go back to the doctor's and get my antidepressants re-evaluated and get sleeping pills, too, so I may be a bit slow with my updates for a while until I get myself back under control. Sorry for any inconvenience. **

By the time Shunsui arrived at the Fourth, he was horrified to find that Unohana refused to allow him to see Ukitake.

"After the way you've treated him, is it any wonder he did this?" Unohana's usually soft voice was harsh, her eyes angry. It was no secret she was close to Jyuushiro, so it was only natural for her to be so upset over what had happened.

"...I..." Shunsui sighed. "...I just want to see him..."

"If I allow that, you may just make him want to finish the job. I'm afraid I won't be allowing you to visit him. You shouldn't have done this to him."

Shunsui ran his hand through his messy brown locks, his eyes tired. He didn't know what to say; he just wanted to see Jyuushiro. "...Captain Unohana..."

Unohana took a step towards her fellow Captain, her intimidating presence making him take a step back. "I would have let you be in there with him had you not acted like a complete _ass_ to him, Captain Kyōraku. While he is in _my _care, you are _not _to come near him."

Why did these words hurt so much? Why did it make him feel like he was an utter failure? Why did it feel like he was the worst person alive?

"...I never..." Shunsui closed his eyes, knowing that nothing he could say would change the things he had done to the one who loved him most. "...I..."

"I will only ask you once, Captain Kyōraku; stay away from him." With that said, Unohana turned and left, heading towards one of her patients' rooms.

Shunsui sighed and leant against the wall, needing the support that his shaking legs couldn't give him. He wiped hastily at his eyes as a single tear dripped down his cheek. He was trying so hard to understand what was going on. One second, they were fighting against Aizen in the Winter War, the next second he believed Ukitake to have been killed in front of him, and then when it was discovered his lover had, in fact, survived, all he could think about was the crushing guilt over the fact that he could not save his best friend. He didn't mean to, but he soon found his guilt evolving into hatred and blaming the younger Captain for his failure, as if Jyuushiro had meant for this to happen.

The brunet hadn't been able to stop himself; not wanting to talk to the white-haired male about his feelings, he had instead sought out someone else to take away his pain. He knew he had been a coward, running from his emotions – not wanting to admit that he was weak – but look at what running had caused. He had provoked his beloved into attempted suicide. This couldn't go on any longer; he needed to face not only Jyuushiro, but himself, too.

Walking towards the exit of the hospital, Kyōraku wasn't sure how he could come about doing that, but he knew it would have to be outside of Fourth Division barracks; Unohana was dangerous when her orders had been disobeyed.

_**~~With Jyuushiro~~**_

Jyuushiro smiled weakly up at Mayuri, the bowl of soup he had been eating sitting on his lap, steadied by his two hands. He shook his head, giving his answer to his lover's question.

"Mayuri-kun, I promise I won't do it again," the white-haired male said softly. "I just... I was really upset by what... _he _had said... My judgement clouded... But after talking to... to Captain Hitsugaya..."

Mayuri nodded, trying to remember when his feelings towards the older male had grown into something more than just that of a scientist observing their latest experiment. He couldn't pinpoint the exact time, but he did remember waking up next to the frail Shinigami after their first time together and thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was potential to be more just researcher and participant.

"I'll kick his ass the next time I see him," Mayuri promised, reaching out to brush strands of white hair out of Jyuushiro's eyes.

Ukitake shook his head. "Please, don't... I... I just..."

"That primitive simpleton almost killed you," Mayuri hissed, beginning to get angry at Jyuushiro's reluctance. "Would you rather he continue to harass you?"

"No, I..." Jyuushiro sighed as he tried to explain his thoughts. "...I know that..._ he _is in pain... I don't know what happened, but... he's hurting... I know it may seem impossible, but... I have faith that one day, he'll return to normal and we can go back to being best friends... I couldn't trust him in a romantic relationship again, but... it's okay, because I have you, now..."

Mayuri was speechless, surprised by how much trust his lover could still retain in the man who was bent on destroying him. It really should have been no surprise; Ukitake was known for only ever focusing on the good in people, never letting the bad qualities someone had to be what defined his opinion on them. Jyuushiro was honestly too kind and trusting for his own good.

The two were silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Mayuri was thinking about Jyuushiro and how he had managed to snag this prize, about how strong the other was to still want to believe in the one who was killing him slowly. Jyuushiro himself was thinking about Shunsui, remembering all the good times they had had together.

The door opening to the white-haired male's hospital room was what had jolted them each out of their thoughts, the white head of hair belonging to the Tenth Squad Captain making an appearance.

"C-captain Hitsugaya..." Jyuushiro mumbled, not sure why the young boy would have bothered to visit him; didn't the younger hate him? But then again... Toshiro _had _gone after him because of a verbal lashing from the Eighth Captain...

Toshiro himself was beginning to become annoyed; at first, it had been a welcome change – and even a preferred one – to be called Captain, but now he found himself missing the gleeful way his fellow Captain would call him 'Shiro-chan'. It was actually kind of lonesome, having the one he secretly admired most treating him the same as everyone else.

With a sigh, Toshiro fixed green eyes on the older male, his voice as stern as the times he demanded the Substitute Soul Reaper to call him Captain Hitsugaya. "It's not 'Captain Hitsugaya' to _you, _Ukitake. ...It's 'Shiro-chan'..."

Jyuushiro blinked a few times, trying to register the boy's comment in his mind. Every other time he had addressed the boy as Shiro-chan, he got the cold shoulder. So why was now different...? Did this mean... Toshiro had finally gotten through to Shunsui...? Or should he only hope...?

"...I..." Jyuushiro bit his lip, not knowing how to convey his thoughts. Mayuri was silent next to him, listening to the conversation. "...I don't understand..."

"Just don't call me Captain Hitsugaya!" Toshiro snapped defensively, embarrassed at how this was playing out. He then changed the subject, wanting the attention off of himself. "...I mean... I spoke to Kyōraku... He wants to see you."

Jyuushiro's eyes lit up with faint hope, but Mayuri just scoffed, answering for his lover. "Tell him to take his bullshit to someone who gives a damn."

"No, Mayuri-kun..." Jyuushiro sounded weary, his long slender fingers reaching out to curl around the scientist's hand. He squeezed before he continued speaking. "...I want to hear what he has to say..."

Mayuri opened his mouth to argue, but the pained, exhausted look on the sickly male's face stopped him. He instead shrugged. "Do what you will."

Jyuushiro smiled weakly at his lover before he turned his attention back to Toshiro. "...Will you tell him to meet me at Ugendo tonight, Shiro-chan? Captain Unohana is releasing me later in the afternoon."

Toshiro nodded. He mumbled something before he turned to leave, his cheeks alight with embarrassment, "...Get well soon, Ukitake..."

"Thank you." Jyuushiro sent a bright smile towards the younger, his happy expression contrasting greatly with his deathly pale face.

Mayuri sighed, but he did not speak, knowing that nothing he said would change Ukitake's mind.

_**~~Later that afternoon~~**_

Shunsui had been sitting in his office, drinking his sake as he thought about Jyuushiro. He wanted to talk to him, apologise for everything and explain himself, but he didn't know _how _to. He didn't know where to find his best friend, what to say, what to do, _how to act. _Part of him was afraid of making things worse, but the other part was mortified at the way he had treated the slimmer male.

Before he could think too much on it, the door to his office had opened and Toshiro walked in, his arms folded across his chest. "Ukitake will be at Ugendo tonight and wishes to speak with you."

Shunsui blinked, not sure if he had heard right. He was almost sure after what had happened, Jyuushiro would have hated him – but then again, he knew the younger well enough to know that the sickly male did not hate anyone, regardless of their actions, and was the most forgiving person he knew.

The brunet nodded, feeling as if he was about to throw up. Tonight would be the night that decided his future with Ukitake. If he made one wrong move, it may just tear them apart for good.


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter was written after I came home from school due to personal reasons and was a means to keep my mind off things, so forgive me if I have messed anything up.**

"_Ukitake, I have a question for you." _

_The white-haired male looked up from where he had been reading a book on Haiku, an exhausted yet cheerful smile plastered on his face. He was recovering from his most recent bout of illness, and he was just glad to know that his boyfriend was happy to stay with him._

"_Yes?" Jyuushiro's smile didn't falter in the least as he closed the book with gentle hands as if he were afraid he would break it. "I am happy to answer anything, Mayuri-kun."_

_Mayuri chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about the questions running through his head. He wanted to know why the other male was happy with him, didn't treat him differently, wanted him around. Surely he was nothing but a rebound, right?_

"_Why are you still here?" Mayuri questioned, his voice void of any emotion. "I was certain I was only something to get over that asshole."_

_Jyuushiro chuckled before he shook his head. "Of course not, Mayuri-kun. I really _am _happy with you. How can I prove that I am not using you?"_

_Mayuri shrugged. "I don't care either way."_

_Pushing his book away, Jyuushiro gestured for his partner to come closer. He smiled when Mayuri did and soon placed his lips over the other's. _

_To say that the scientist was confused was an understatement, but when warm hands soon started sliding up and down his sides, he understood what the older male wanted – and, to say the least, he wanted it, too._

"_Mayuri-kun..." Ukitake's voice was husky, his words coming out as a strangled moan. He placed his face against a strong shoulder, angling his hips so that they rubbed against Kurotsuchi's thigh, showing the other his excitement._

_A grin crossed Mayuri's face, realising that they were about to move on to the next stage of his experiment – sex. Forcing the other down onto the futon in a rough manner, his hands moved to undress them both, wanting no piece of clothing in his way._

_Jyuushiro moaned softly as a hand brushed against the bulge in his hakama, his eyes closing. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he raised his hips, making it easier for the black fabric to be pulled from his waist. _

"_I want you..." The frail Captain whispered, his eyes cracking open, revealing a hint of lust. _

_Mayuri felt a tide of arousal surge through him at these words. Without further ado, he prepared the older male before he pushed inside, having his way in a rough manner with the other._

Jyuushiro's eyes opened when he heard a second set of footsteps approaching him, snapping him out of his daydreams. He looked up, finding Shunsui trailing behind Mayuri, an uncomfortable look on his face. He smiled softly; despite his uneasiness, he was just glad that the brunet had come.

"Shunsui..." the white-haired male's voice was very soft, conveying his nervousness. He fidgeted slightly when his previous lover sat next to him, not knowing what to say.

"...I..." Shunsui seemed to be in the same boat as the other, rubbing the back of his head as he looked anywhere but at the younger. He was silent for a few minutes, trying to gather his thoughts, before he spoke again, deciding that the best course of action would be to at least check on his friend's injuries. "...How are you...?"

Jyuushiro smiled, shrugging slightly; he knew that the older male was probably blaming himself over what had happened, and he wanted to dissipate those feelings. "I am fine, Shunsui. Thank you for asking."

"No thanks to you..." Mayuri muttered from the doorway, his eyes rolling.

Both Jyuushiro and Shunsui ignored this, not wanting it to be harder than it already was. The frail Captain spoke next, knowing how much courage it must have taken for his old lover to come here after everything that had happened.

"What about you, Shunsui?" He hid it well, but Shunsui could still see the pain in the smaller man's eyes. "Gen... Genryusai-sensei would... Would want you to be safe..."

When Ukitake's eyes slipped closed at his own words, the brunet instantly understood; Jyuushiro was not just in pain because of _him,_ he was also hurting over the loss of their father-figure – just like he was.

Reaching out, Kyōraku slipped his hand into the white-haired man's, squeezing. With his other hand, he lifted Jyuushiro's chin, gazing into green orbs that were covered with a thin layer of tears.

"Jyuu-chan..." Shunsui's voice was choked, tears of his own falling down his cheeks, "...I'm sorry... I'm just so sorry... Please... I... I understand you're happy with Captain Kurotsuchi so... I'm letting you go... You'll be happier with him than you could ever be with me again... I'm sorry..."

Jyuushiro shook his head, his tears leaking from his eyes. He shook his head and moved closer, almost as if these words caused him physical pain. "Shunsui... Please..."

Pulling his hand out of the other's grip ever so tenderly, Shunsui shook his head. "...I'm hurting you... When I thought I had lost you, I lost my own _mind, _Jyuu. There's no telling what I could do to you from now on. That's why... we have to go our separate ways. I... don't want to hurt you..."

_He's right... _Jyuushiro thought, realisation hitting him like a ton of bricks. _We can't be friends any more... Not because of what has happened... If we stay friends, we'll only hurt each other... He's trying to do what's right – after all the wrongs he's made... I can't say no when he's trying to fix things... It's all he wants – all he's _ever _wanted – my happiness... But could I really be happy without him in my life? The one who's been with me for over two-thousand years? I don't know... _

"...Shunsui..." Sniffing back tears, Jyuushiro nodded. He understood that, in order for them both to move on from everything that happened, they needed to start afresh. Just because they had to go away from each other didn't mean they had to _stay away, _right? Sometime in the near future, because they could repair their bond once Shunsui recovered from whatever had made him like this. Maybe... it was for the best to say goodbye now before it became even harder. "...I'm sorry..."

The brunet shook his head, reaching out to brush white strands behind Jyuushiro's ear. "Don't be sorry. None of this was your fault. I just need to sort myself out. I need time. That's all."

"...I understand..."

Shunsui honestly couldn't say to the younger that it had taken a suicide attempt to clear his eyes; that would just hurt Jyuushiro more – make it as if the frail Captain had to take desperate measures just to make Shunsui understand.

"I'll see you around." With that said, Shunsui stood up and left Ugendo, unable to take his friend's presence any longer; he knew he would cry if he stayed, and he _couldn't stand _crying in front of others – especially Jyuushiro.

Ukitake watched the older man leave with sad eyes, but he knew it was for the best – it_ had _to be; anything had to be better than what had been happening for the last couple of months.

"Thank God he's gone." Mayuri's eyes narrowed as he stared out of the door, moving closer to his lover. "I would have used him for my next specimen if he had remained."

Jyuushiro chuckled and moved into the warm arms that were now embracing him. "I'm glad you're still here with me, Mayuri-kun. I love you."

Kurotsuchi would never understand when Jyuushiro became more than just an experiment. He would never know why he had started having true feelings towards the other. But one thing he would always hold dear to his heart was this moment – when they both shared their first declarations of love.

"I know." Mayuri couldn't say those words himself, but he knew the sickly Captain would understand. He smiled softly and tightened his hold when a pair of soft lips planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

Whatever happened in the future regarding Shunsui and the Quincy war would happen – there was no denying that – but, right now, things felt perfect, sharing this moment together.

**A/N There will be an epilogue next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

The Quincy invasion was nothing but ancient history now, many years having passed by since they were defeated. Many casualties had occurred and the ones that had survived had mourned their passing, the deceased ones living on in the surviving Shinigami's memories.

Toshiro was one of the ones who had been lost in the war, the theft of his Bankai the thing that had sealed his death warrant. It had torn Shunsui apart to have lost his lover the way he did but he had learned to cope after many pain-filled months, finding solace in the Lieutenant who had never left his side, no matter who he had become.

Jyuushiro and Mayuri had survived with minor injuries, the Twelfth Captain caring nothing for the dead. Ukitake, however, was heartbroken to have lost the boy he saw as his own son – especially since they had just begun to make amends.

The sickly male had used this time to comfort the one who had once been his best friend, the love he held for Kyōraku never wavering, no matter what. The brunet had been inconsolable at first, the stress making him more aggressive towards the younger than ever, but Jyuushiro had stayed through it all, understanding.

Currently, the three Captains were sitting in the First Division quarters, reminiscing about the past. Shunsui had been named the new Captain-Commander, and he used his power to do everything he could to make it up to Jyuushiro about the things he had done.

"Lieutenant Ise spoke to me yesterday," Ukitake said softly as he sipped at his tea. "She told me you were planning a special event dedicated to the ones we lost."

Shunsui smiled sadly as he nodded, ignoring Mayuri's presence; the two had never gotten along ever since the Winter War, both jealous of the other in terms of Jyuushiro's love. They both feared losing the white-haired male to the other. "It makes sense to honour them. Don't you think, Ukitake?"

Jyuushiro couldn't say it didn't hurt to have his best friend being so formal with him, but he knew the taller man did it, trying his best to start afresh and regain the right to be called his best friend. "It does. Mayuri-kun and I went to visit their memorials. I paid my respects to Shiro-chan."

Tears welled up in grey eyes at these words, but they didn't fall, disappearing as fast as they had appeared. "...Yes, I... need to make time to visit him... I've been too busy with my duties and haven't had the time."

Mayuri mumbled something under his breath about the senior Captain's now-non-existent laziness, but didn't make a direct attack, knowing it would hurt his lover if he did such a thing.

It was true that Shunsui continued to change the more years passed by. Ever since he took over the First Division, he no longer slacked off his work or disappeared randomly throughout the day to sleep on the roof and drink sake; he worked diligently, ensuring he did his job as best as he could. Nanao had confided in the Thirteenth Captain once that she was actually upset about no longer being able to hit him over the head with her book and yell at him to get back to work.

Deep in his heart, Jyuushiro knew Shunsui was trying to make their late father-figure proud, making up for all the times he had let their teacher down. In the brunet's own way, it was his apology for rarely being the perfect student and son-figure, unable to be like Jyuushiro who worked his ass off every day and had never once been a disappointment, so much unlike his friend.

Shunsui sipped at his sake, his sad eyes gazing out of the large window, taking in the view of the Seireitei. He was silent for a few minutes, his thoughts focused on Toshiro.

A frail hand grabbing his was what snapped Shunsui of his stupor.

"Shiro-chan would be so proud of you today." Jyuushiro's bright smile and shining eyes brought Shunsui into the breakdown he had tried to avoid for so many years.

Jyuushiro held his friend as the other cried out his pain and sorrow, whispering soothing words as he ran a hand through messy brown hair. He looked at Mayuri, seeing the understanding in the other's eyes – even if Mayuri didn't care about Shunsui in the first place.

Jyuushiro nodded as his lover stood up to leave, knowing that this wasn't something the younger wanted to be here for because of his own reasons. He only held his friend, patient as a God, while the other cried himself to sleep.

Ukitake knew that this was the turning point, the symbolisation that he was about to have his best friend return to him, the happy-go-lucky idiot without a care in the world. He couldn't stop his own tears as they rolled down his cheeks at this realisation.


End file.
